#i am unable to process
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The Game Grumps played Sam and Max: Hit the Road aND I CANT-- TWO OF MY FAVORITE THINGS AAAHHH
#art#game grumps#game grumps dan#game grumps arin#sam & max#sam and max fanart#i cannot#i am unable to process#artists on tumblr#cartoon#drawing#artwork#pencil#cartoons#character art#comic books#my characters#digital art
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Currently being anything but normal about them
#After this episode I just sorta stared at the wall blankly for five seconds#Completely unable to process any form of emotion#Now I am YELLING#I apologize for the person I am going to become. They odudhhhshehfjfjf#IT WAS ALWAYS THEM HUH#I'll try do a bigger piece later but I had to draw them asap#Jayce#jacye talis#viktor#viktor arcane#jayvik#jayce x viktor#arcane#My art
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HOLD ON
ED IS IN THAT SCENE?????
#HOW THE FUCK DID I NOT SEE THAT IN THE LEAK UNTIL NOW#I AM UNABLE >TO PROCESS#ofmd#ofmd s2 trailer#ofmd s2#ofmd s2 spoilers#ofmd spoilers#our flag means death spoilers
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can i ask.how u guys practice ur creativity <3 how u practice ur imagination or like.. how u experiment with ur art, how u come to ideas and how u develop them.<3 pretty please <3
#smthing i have always struggled w.is feeling like i can only draw things that r handed 2 me.#as in.an idea or concept that already exists#chara or conflict that already exists.Scene that alr exists.#and i think it can be soo limiting bc when i have that sort of creative desire but nothing 2 reflect off of it#i feel like im unable to do anything/get anywhere bc im unable to do that mental legwork myself ykwim#like comic artists r SOOO JAW DROP INSPIRING TO MEE bc not only are u envisioning ur own sequences/situations#but u are able to imagine even the most MUNDANE interactions within those scenarios u know#like the transitory panels and the quiet moments and the every day stillness#and i feel like.its not even a poor attempt on my behalf its like.i cant Even attempt it.like my brain is soo empty#and soo static and noiseless that i am like gauhh......#i can practice lines all day long and practice colors and practice anatomy or Whatever bc its something concrete#and its in front of me and i can pry apart the physical technicalities until i understand it better#but my MIND???ABSTRACTION>? THOUGHTS .ough its so hard#and i really want to push past that but i dont know how and its so .. demoralizing to think that ill get there One Day but i feel#one million and two days away.and not making active process towards it.#i know the first step is to build ur visual library and i feel liek. idk i FEEL LIKEEE theres more 2 it that im missing#but also im depressed as hell n my job is killing my creative drive and the seasonal stuff isnt helping#so maybe i just need 2 give it time (true) but i also like.man i dont know. i want 2 do something w my hands#but everything ive been doing so far has felt soo .hard and fruitless and i definitely dont want 2 turn art into such a stressful thing#fruitless as in like.i dont get any personal satisfaction w it.idgaf abt monetization or algorithms or any of tht#but smtimes thats just what happens and i have 2 weather through and know ill be more equipped 4 this some other time#SAWRYYY IM ALWAYS GOING ON AND ONNN im nromal im normal<3 i just rly like art and it sucks balls whn it feels out of reach#sigh cry fart scroll.(:salute:)
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My relationship with my writing is so bad right now. If we were a couple, we'd be teetering on the brink of divorce.
#writeblr#writing#writer's block#writer struggles#writer problems#op#personal#petiolata writes#for the record I am not *unable* to write#I am unable to be happy with my writing or enjoy the process rn#I could write but I'd hate every minute of it and every sentence produced#it's S.A.D bs I suppose
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Me to myself, when I planned a short fic, but the word count had already exceeded my expectations and there was still no end in sight: SHUT UP, SHUT UP! WHY CAN'T YOU SHUT UP? STOP THIS MADNESS AND SHUT UP!
#Why can't my mind just shut up at some point and let me finish the story instead of endlessly adding new threads#I am physically unable to create short stories#writing life#writing process#writing#fic writing#fics#fanfiction#ao3 fanfic#ao3 writer#ao3
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What is like to be a kid?
What is like to run around outside?
To have a colorful imagination?
For life to not be an unstable ride?
To not be tainted by those with selfish ambition?
When you’re five, are you still a kid?
Did you get to just have fun with friend?
When you’re six, is that not the start of your descend?
Not having to worry about meeting one’s end?
When you’re 8, does life still feel great?
Were you able to live outside constant fear?
When you’re 9, are you not held down by weight?
Never wanting to disappear?
When you’re 13, are you still able to smile?
Able to walk without guilt?
When you’re 14, can you still make life worthwhile?
Existing without feeling your world tilt?
How do I be a kid?
#we’ve never been a kid#the majority of us don’t remember ever feeling like a kid#And almost all of us are even unable to register the fact we are a kid#(No not transage thats weird)#we just haven’t ever been able to be a kid#That privilege was taken from us at 5#it hurts not being able to process the fact we are still a kid#I can’t even grasp that I am
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Can you believe that in a couple of days I am seeing my favourite musical being played in my country for the first time ever... Because I can't
#i am still processing this#like i am fully expecting something going wrong and being unable to go#personal
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x
#i come back here every couple of minutes and read a new post abt liam and it just#never sinks in like how am i sitting here still being unable to believe this is happening#i feel like the denial part of grief will stay longer w me this time bc i didnt actually know him#i never spoke to him i never met him i didnt see him every day hes not a family member#i#didnt#know him#god please tell me why am i grieving someone i didnt even know#and its not like im inconsolable or anything it just feels like something i took for granted is now gone and my mind cant process it#i hate this
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everywhere I look.... chemistry is sneaking it's way into my other courses
#THE BRANCH OF SCIENCE IM THE WORST AT OFC IS THE ONE THAT IS LITERALLY EVERYTHING#text#how do i suck so bad at chem but am good with the others? no idea tbh its a mystery#when i say i find the microcosmos interesting im talking abt the organisms not atoms and molecules#please leave me alone chemistry u will never make sense to me#like i know the words i read and am told but i am unable to actually process and understand
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I think I've become an official HI3 player. I check the HSR leaks hoping for iterations of HI3 characters now
#I have little hope about some of them. For instance the Su and Kevin voice actors are taken by Aventurine and the Trailblazer iirc?#Kalpas' voice actor does the male Dreamseeker in Part 2 of HI3 which is not as terminal considering HSR is a different game but still#Luocha thankfully exists. I don't think they'll be introducing Kiana anytime soon#I would love Sakura but I'm way more into PE Sakura than CE Sakura and then there's what they did with Miko#Some of my favourite things of PE Sakura they gave to Jingliu or Acheron already (freeze time‚ haunted and corrupted by loss‚#unable to unsheathe a sword and memories coming back to her when she does‚#piercing someone's heart with her sword but the other person living on with a new life‚...)#Thus an iteration of all that but with the cool things missing could get messy and unsatisfactory pretty easily#Mobius and MEI are similar to Mei and Herta so they're in a similar situation to PE Sakura#I find Griseo somewhat unsettling in a good way and in a way same with Eden. I love all the loss weighing on her as if she had already dead#with the concept of her being The Era itself and the era dying. So I wouldn't mind seeing them too#Hua seems like she may appear in the Xianzhou? Given the Marshall existence and that the Xianzhou drinks a lot of those concepts#Blade‚ Dan Heng and Jingliu drink so much of Fu Hua. I don't care about Hua though. The Herrscher I did like though#I'm curious about what they'll do#Other than the Chinese voice actor having already a steady job in Mihoyo‚ there's echoes of Kalpas in Blade‚ Arlan and Sam#so I really don't have much hope there. Not as little as with Kevin and Su perhaps but... yeah not really a lot of hope#Yet here I am. Hopelessly hoping for a Kalpas iteration. Imagine how beautiful the fire would be *sigh*#I was so mad about him being my favourite in HI3 but it just makes sense#Besides the Guzm.a process he went me go through‚ he truly has a lot of themes going on that recall Blade. I don't know...#I like his CN voice actor a lot‚ and how he plays Kalpas in particular‚ both when he's calm and when he's deranged#The Dreamseeker doesn't have the same voice at all unfortunately. I would really love to see him in HSR what can I say#That's the kind of person I've become. In a little bit of time I'll be wanting a Kalpas plushie at this rate#I talk too much#I should probably delete this later
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Idk how to put that without sounding like a pretentious bitch that I am, but. Dealing with your trauma doesn't mean you'll become a glowing ray of sunshine or forget every unpleasant event in your life? Like, PTSD isn't when you know where to hide during a shooting, only when you have a panic attack over champagne bottle popping. Being able to answer a direct question about the traumatic event is a good sign. Looking into a pattern doesn't mean you're tRauMAtiSEd only that you've learned from past events.
All of this goes double for fictional characters. So. How about we stop acting like Fifteen is in the same mental place as Fourteen during his WBY meltdown?
#sigh. y'know if i was mean and of course i am not i would say 4 years of evoking depth out of 13's inconsistent writing#left the audience unable to process an actual character#I'm not saying 15 is FINE but this trend of oathologizing basically everything he says or does is just...#being traumatised is a different thing than having a personality y'know?#dw spoilers#tw: negativity#fifteenth doctor
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guys isnt it weird how motogp skipped thai gp haha right and let pecco have the win haha guys weird how there was no race today huh
#motogp#thai gp 2024#im in. denial#thailand ily bc we're brothers but holy shit wtf was that#flopfest to the extreme#im. so tired#atleast pecco won#(for marc) i say as my dumb rpf brain needs satisfying#still kinda a flop show#congrats to pedro for podium ig?#marc outta title race and its 2 am and im unable to fully process that
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ok i might need to force myself to not romance astarion bc i don't want to know what it says about me to turn down karlach, the woman of my dreams, the character made to cater me personally, like, if she was real i'd bring the moon and stars down for the chance to see her smile, she's everything i've hoped for in a rpg companion, what does it say about me if i turn that down for someone like astarion
#ngl karlach would be too good for me and i wouldnt deserve it#shed probably ask me stuff like 'what do you want?' upon which i would be paralyzed with fear my mind completely blank unable#to process why i can't answer a simple question#and she's so up front with her emotions which i absolutely adore but i could not reciprocate that#wait am i actually for real avoiding the karlach romance bc i feel like this fictional character from a video game is too good for me#a real human being. like. i think i would feel guilty about romancing her#which makes no sense bc i romance characters too good for anyone all of the time. but idk#in those cases ive always had like a strong character i play as who is very divorced from who i am#but playing as durge there is no past so idk who my tav is yet so all i can do is project so he feels very. personal#im v sleepy and also ive had brain fog all day so yea idk#i mean i do genuinely like astarion and his character but in his case i dont feel guilty bc i feel like i#i have no idea how to finish that sentence without it sounding like 'i can fix him'#bc i dont want to fix him i want to show him compassion and respect him and his boundaries so he'll be able to reclaim tje feeling of#being in control of his life#so he'll stop putting people down to feel like hes on a pedestal#like i get him and why he is like that but i just feel like being kind and caring towards him would feel so good#it wouldnt fix him and thats a good thing bc i dont want him to change who he is but i do think he needs support#also hes hot im so mad at myself for being so atteacted to him#we wouldnt b here if i didnt have a thing for voices#besides thag back to the main point of astarion its like. ugh! im so frustrated rn bc i dont have the words#to express my emotions toward him bc everything ive said lacks the nuance that im feelikg but idk how to put it in words#i guess i want to protect him? that such a terrible sentence and still not what om going for
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i´ve eaten an entire apple, wish me luck ToT
#i´ve taken seven fructaid#(for context i absolutely CANNOT process fructose.)#(like. sometimes i take a single bite of a fruit and am in agony and unable to do anything or really move for the rest of the day)
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im a smidge drunk and i think this job ending fucked me up worse than the games one? At least with the games one i had constant visual evidence that that company didn’t give a fuck about anything other than profits and was super willing to grind me into dust, but this nonprofit job had unlimited PTO, the longest and nicest trainings ive ever had, and the work was genuinely not very complicated or stressful. and they still let me go with zero warning whatsoever and not even a whimper that anything could be wrong. bc while the current campaign was doing Bad, there was a really clear reason to point to (the war). and when i was let go my boss was still talking really hopefully about a major donor who hadn’t given yet, all the new grants we were going to pursue, and how our reserve and investments were still doing well. so what the fuck. was my $55k a year really the fucking breaking point for this four mil a year nonprofit. i am still so so so anxious that my old boss is secretly going to give bad reference letters bc this still makes no sense to me
#it’s been three weeks and i have been unable to do much of anything#i have not prioritized applying to jobs bc i have been so focused on getting shit together for unemployment#but im not even eligible for tx unemployment and ma still hasn’t gotten back to me#so i think perhaps i just bite the bullet on crippling credit card debt and stop thinking about unemployment money even tho i am fully#fucking entitled to it#the snap process in tx is also a fucking nightmare!!!#and doing all this on a laptop from 2016 is less than ideal#but yeah this firing/being let go/whatever has really really fucked me up
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